Doesn’t that seem to be the mantra that every magazine, morning news show and everything in between seem to say at the beginning of every January?
It feels as though January has become Body Awareness Month. “Happy Body Awareness Month everyone!” As if the other eleven months don’t offer enough reminders to eat less, look younger and to lust after the figure of a pubescent girl.
Look, I’m not angry. It’s just an observation. It’s the culture we live in. But each year at the beginning of January, we are forced to reflect on how we view our bodies. Do we need to lose weight? Firm up or just eat healthier?
I for one, could stand to do all of the above. After losing close to 100 lbs (I weighed about 240 on the day I delivered my eldest son) three years ago, I have been really struggling not to gain it all back.
I don’t have six days to work out anymore. My kids require my taxi driving services far too much during the day to fit in a workout. I could do it at 8:00pm after they go to bed, but who wants to do that? I still work out when I can, just not six days.
So I just have to be careful about what I put in my mouth and keep my body image feelings in check. I can’t call myself a cow if I eat a cookie or say, “well you’re going to gain all that weight back again”.
I am a firm believer in what you believe, you become. Notice I said what you believe. Thinking and believing are two different things. I keep thinking, someday I will win the lotto and never have to worry about money again. But do I believe it in my soul? Eh- I’m a little wishy washy. Not to mention I would have to play the lotto a little more often. 🙂
It was really interesting how I was viewed after I lost all my weight. My family was really worried that I was losing too much weight. But when you come from an overweight family, what is “normal” can get a little skewed.
People who didn’t know me when I was fat, just assumed that I was always this size. The funny thing is, they viewed me as the “skinny bitch” now. Me, the girl who used to shop in what my girlfriend endearingly called “the big girls section”.
So that starts to mess with your mind a little. You start apologizing, no, no, I’m just like you. Look, I’m starting to gain all the weight back. And then I did. I’ve gained about 10lbs (maybe more- I was afraid to weigh myself today at the gym after all the terrible things I ate and drank over the holiday.)
At what point do I just say, it’s ok. Stay at the weight that makes me feel comfortable in my own skin?
I’m working on it. Oprah had an interesting show yesterday talking about this very subject and her frustration with her own weight. She says that she eats to fill a void.
I would agree with that statement. Eating makes me feel good sometimes. If I’m feeling anxious I might nibble on something. If I want to celebrate, I like to go out to dinner or have a cocktail.
I’m not sure there is any good answer on body image, except to take care of the one you live in. You wouldn’t fill your house with a bunch of trash and expect to feel comfortable would you? How would you get around in your house if it were piled up with trash?
I think I will remind myself of this analogy when I want to eat to fill a void. According to Oprah, I need to then ask myself what is the void that I am trying to fill? That’s a heady question- and one that I would rather try to avoid.
All this analization of our bodies is just too much. I’ve made a resolution this year to focus on my relationships with others instead. I want to connect with someone everyday. Even if it’s just an e-mail that says “Hi”.
Maybe then I will be more focused on what truly makes me happy instead of finding an artificial replacement. At least that’s what Oprah says will happen.
So what do you think? I really want to have a conversation about this. What do you struggle with and how are you resolving to make it better this year?
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